:: entry six

 Six is a forbidden number. When it's tripled, it's a satanic number. My brother used to support satanic shit, why? I don't know. My mother raised us to be Christians, but I transitioned to a Buddhist now. 

I've been producing music recently. I admit I suffered with psychosis my entire life. Studying lingustics on the Asian side of the world has helped me distract myself from all of these overlapping voices, that can both be your friend and your enemy and whatnot. It's really fun and I love to do fun, stimulating and difficult tasks.

I guess studying and producing music is my coping mechanism right now. I am the Onpu IRL, just more talented, ~~pretty~~, older and cooler. Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahha

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>> I wish my mother was okay. <<

I wish that people did not mistreat her in the hospital when I was just being born. I know that she cherished me when I was first being born. I wish that she didn't have to abuse pain medications to get a physical relief, I wish that she learnt how to cope with physical pain on her own. She always tells me that she'd prefer if I was on no medication, but that's when I start to become more unhealthy and aggressive because I can't cope. She doesn't understand the true beneftis of medicine and for that, I am leaving her life. I will commit suicide someday, but not right now, thanks to my musical and creative projects. I'm blessed with creative gifts.

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November 18, 2005

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I'm finally going to get my pink hair extensions braided into my hair in a professional sense today, yaay~. I've been waiting patiently for my hair to be a unnatural color. I'm going to braid it in pigtails like Madotsuki~ :3

I got pink braids. I originally wanted my entire hair to be just pink but they mixed it in with black and pink extensions. it's definitely comforting to have a color in my hair. 

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Um, I don't really feel the most comfortable writing about how it affirms my identity on here. It helps me cope with emotions that were hard to acknowledge before.

For lunch/dinner, I got buffalo wings, jumbo fried shrimp, and some types of sushi. Thank you very much

I feel like I'm able to be a more realistic and confident person in my daily choices.

That's all. Thanks.

- Cassandra Zuo