Hi.
So this is a post about a friend that I had the unfortunate experience of meeting.
Her name was "peach" in Japanese. She seemed like a nice and bubbly person. I convinced her to make a discord server for her friends because she seemed so interesting and attracted a lot of interesting people. I had no choice but to realize it was a facade, but I'm grateful I realized sooner than later so I became more wiser of a person.
I ended up telling her about my trauma because she wasn't afraid to share that she had a unknown trauma (unknown, as in unknown to me and her friends) surrounding men, even though she was reading explicit sexual content involving men, but that doesn't really concern me. We realized we were reading the same content, so that was a funny moment and made me realize that I should stay friends with her because we had that funny thing in common. Well, big mistake. I try to not be naive and be accepting, especially because she tried to declare herself a "NEET" by not going to school for 7 years, drinking gatorade and consuming asian pop culture (she's a spanish filipino), I started to assume that she didn't have a lot of experience with "flaky" people such as.. herself.
Here is the deal breaker. I couldn't stand her whining on Twitter. Complaining that she's pathetic because she doesn't know a lot of languages that would be useful in her home country and just complaining how it sucks to stay at home all the time, even though it was her literal choice to stay home for years and she has parents to help out at home. I couldn't help but feel seriously hurt by this because I was forced to go to a abusive school environment where I was incredibly sick, almost on death's door and she has the audacity to complain about her choice. She also wastes time on talking to her online friends, writing these sob story tweets, be needlessly overly negative for attention at that and engaging in Japanese pop culture. She could've spent that time applying herself to get the education she keeps saying she wants to pursue so badly. That's why I never pitied that person, and her tweet about how she wanted to be a middle-class american white girl made me wince because it made me realize how incredibly ungrateful she is, and that was probably her strange idea of what she believed me to be like, since she knew I was American.
She had huge judgemental undertones to my past times. We were both seventeen when we met but she was really weird. I explained to her that I was older than her because even though she was born in a beginning month of 2006, I was born in a late month in 2005. She took this personally. I couldn't be overly forgiving about that because it honestly annoyed me. I started to be close minded of people who are younger than me once more. I already had a horrible experience in HS with stupid stalkers.
There was this nice guy who joined her server that was right up my alley. I joined discord again that year because I wanted to make friends and I was tired of wallowing around in my loneliness for months (I did that the entire summer). "Peach girl" can easily be one of those heartless people that could tell people to kill theirselves but she just holds back, she probably holds back a lot so people won't realize her friendliness is a facade of what she probably wishes to be.
She guilted me for being interested in him, because even though he was honestly acting offputting, he was talking to both of us at the same time but I was vibing because I felt like I found the one while she was suppressing how she felt about him. I guess in the game of love, I was more ahead than her because I was aware of how I felt and go forward, I suppose. I don't really like to brag about these types of things though.
Dealing with my ex boyfriend who kept saying stuff that my ex-boyfriend should be in jail and is disgusting and all this other stuff (He was a adult while I was underage), it made it worse that he was a christian because so was I back then.. with "peach girl" telling me I absolutely must talk to a therapist about this and get off discord (I was going on discord behind my parents back because everyone in my college environment was INCREDIBLY boring and plain) no matter what, I felt pressured to listen to them. I couldn't feel strong enough to ignore them because I just wanted company, empathy and a sense of belonging.
That guy I met is really weird but I will forever appreciate his kindness and I wish I was his. He showed a interest in my novelty interests that are rare to come across and I just, love him, because we both enjoy taboo forbidden stuff. I just want to move on so I can let go of him because his behavior is absolutely strange, arguably more stranger than the groomer I had to deal with as a child in 2014-2020.
I blocked "peach girl" because I had enough of what seems to be like her mirroring her mother. I forgot to mention she enjoyed creepypasta so she tried to make herself look unsettling as possible in her selfies for attention, and it was a interesting act but it triggered me because she looked like an ideal I used to have in my childhood so I really didn't say anything towards her attention-seeking actions online and she was seemingly mocking me "even though that was not her intent" when I posted a reaction image of a girl crying as my reaction to the cute guy talking to her and showing some signs of interest in that bitch and she made it a stupid fucking emoji in her stupid fucking server that I hope got demolished. She was attention seeking on Twitter with a controversial website as the freaking icon on her desktop along with "hot games that weird creepy men she definitely doesn't crave the gaze over" on her wallpaper as well while barely knowing ANYTHING about the games herself except for "This is what weird men like lol" while having her hair in pigtails and fetishizing herself as the pinned tweet on her page.
She took a screenshot of my private twitter account where I tried to follow her and she just made a dramatic post being like "why was I blocked?". Several hundred posts of "I'm so sad" later, she deactivated, it appears. I was fucking happy. It almost became a re-ennactment of School Days, where I admit I was like Sekai (but the guy showed interest in me first), but I was more like Kotonoha due to my nature and how I responded to him, and "peach girl" was Sekai. The guy was Makoto due to how perverted he is...
Anyways, I'm done writing. I guess I shouldn't be ashamed of my own attention seeking mannerisms, if I wasn't beaten or verbally abused for doing that as a child. That's why the internet is a safe place for many individuals. But to exist just to attention seek like this dumb girl is just sad.
That's it. Thanks for reading, I guess.
- Zuo
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